Attitude Adjustment at 32,000 feet

So, I am settling in (after an extremely rough take-off), flipping through the XM satellite stations that Air Tran provides on each flight. I stopped on some random station that was playing recent hits from the United Kingdom. The song, "If you Believe" by Leon Jackson (Scottish singer who won the X factor) came on. I remember this song from The Prince of Egypt movie and always liked it. Here are the lyrics:


Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
Easy to despair
When all you hear is fear and lies
Easy just to run and hide
To frightened to begin
But if we dare to dare
Don't wait for answers from the skies
Each of us can look inside
And hear this song within

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your faith
Can't see your way clear through the rain
A small but still resilient voice
Says hope is very near

Ohhh(There can be miracles)
Ohhh(When you believe)
Though hope is frail (Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill (It's hard to kill)
Who knows what miracles (Who knows what miracles)
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe, somehow you will (When you believe, somehow you will)
(Now you will) Now you will
You will when you believe (You will when you believe)
You will when you believe

I think these last few days, I lost hope that I would become a mom. Hearing this song made me start thinking about the attitude I needed to get through this adoption. A negative attitude isn't going to get me anywhere. I need to have hope and remain positive. Do I have my heart set on Vietnam? Yes, but there are other options out there. It won't be the end of my adoption journey if the MOU is not resigned. I WILL become a mom. Heck, I am so much closer now that I am officially DTV!!!!! Next step is a log-in date. Hopefully that will happen sometime in February. Until then, I will enjoy the beautiful Florida weather and the wonderful Florida seafood! Tomorrow I get to meet the beautiful Hannah and Hailey. I can't wait!

Take 2 V****m and call me in the morning

It's wonderful what a nice drug-induced sleep can do for your mind, body and spirit! I had to turn to the wonderful yellow pill to fall asleep last night. I would have been up tossing and turning all night if I hadn't- at least that was my diagnosis!

I made it through the hearing and wasn't nervous at all. Our lawyer was extremely happy with my testimony so I can officially relax! I had the limo come and pick me up at the hearing- I am glad I did because I would have never made it home in time.

I am now at the airport and will board my flight in about 15 minutes. Hope to blog from sunny Florida, but I may be too relaxed so stay tuned!

PS- great adoption news- my dossier should make it to Vietnam by Monday. I will let you all know for sure when I find out!

Feeling Blue

I know I said I wanted to read about everything that is happening in the world of Vietnam adoptions and I haven't changed my mind. But today, after reading the DOS warning, I am feeling pretty low. I realize that the DOS doesn't know what Vietnam will do with dossiers logged in, but the warning read worse than I thought it would. This is the lowest I have been during this adoption process. Maybe it is due to the fact that I feel like I am getting ready to testify in front of a grand jury tomorrow (in reality it is only 3 lawyers and a hearing officer).

I really am looking for the positives in the DOS warning. I think Ethica did a good job of laying it out, but it still didn't look more positive to me. I have to hold on to the hope that the 2 countries can work out a new MOU in the next 6 or 7 months. Here is the link to the warning for those of you not familiar with it:

The U.S. Department of State(DOS) has issued the following statement about adoptions from Vietnam.

http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/intercountry/intercountry_3939.html

To Read or Not to Read?

That is the question. There is so much speculation on the Internet about the future of adopting from Vietnam. The Department of State is supposed to issue a warning of some sort about not starting an adoption in Vietnam right now. It sounds like the DOS is committed to continuing the Vietnam program, but is unsure if things can get sorted out by August 31st when the MOU expires. I have learned it will be up to Vietnam what to do with cases in the "pipeline". It sounds like there are approximately 2000 dossiers in country with families waiting for a referral.

Some have told me to not read it all and not to get caught up in the frenzy. I have tried, oh, have I tried. But I just can't do it. Everyday I get on the yahoo boards and on adoption buzz, VVAI and Ethica. In a way, I think I feel better reading all of the opinions and speculation. I want to know what people are saying. Is some of it troubling? Absolutely! But there is some hope mixed in. I feel that all groups involved are working towards a solution. I hope that the MOU will be resigned. If not, I hope that all parties can work towards a new agreement, even if that means a suspension of adoptions for a while.

I feel okay with where I am in the whole process. I am comfortable (and relieved) with my agency switch and know that I am dealing with a completely ethical facilitator. I would love to get my referral by the end of July. My agency is working hard to start working with new provinces. This would speed up my wait. Until then, I will keep on reading. And keep on blogging- I have missed 2 photo Fridays in a row. Yikes! I will try to get back on track after this hearing is over and I have relaxed in Florida for a few days!

Another Thing to Worry About

And surprise, surprise, it has nothing to do with the adoption! I am scheduled to testify in a hearing on Tuesday, the same day I am scheduled to leave for Florida. Our school's lawyer wanted me to testify at 4:30. I don't think so- my limo is supposed to pick me up at 4:30. I am now scheduled to testify around 1. It's the "around" part that makes me worry. My testimony should be about 2 hours, but how does anyone know for sure when 3 lawyers are involved?

So, do I risk driving the 30 minutes back home to catch the limo or do I take all of my luggage with me and then leave right from the hearing? I think I would feel better if I drove, but then I have to figure in the time to park and catch a shuttle to the airport. And there is the $$- yes it's more than taking a limo to the airport. Not something I need to be stressing about when I am already stressed about the hearing. I should be looking forward to my vacation, not worrying about how to get to the airport and whether or not I will catch my flight. I am excited about getting away. Hopefully I will be able to relax at the beach all day, every day. I have even made plans to meet another adoptive family who brought their girls home from Vietnam last summer (hopefully I will get some pictures of this meeting). Okay, I feel a bit better now. Blogging is a great way to sort through my feelings/dilemmas...and a great way to vent!

What is happening in Vietnam?

As my mind is never far from Vietnam and adoption, I often frequent Adoption Buzz. It is run by someone who works for an agency, but usually has some really good information. The blogger has moved to Vietnam for the next year and should continue to have some interesting posts. Here is part of a recent entry from his blog that explains what is happening with Vietnam adoptions (for my non AP/PAP readers):


The reality is that the intersection of law and policy has reached a pinnacle in Vietnam Adoption (as well as many other countries that participate in intercountry adoption). Recently we have seen the Department of State issue a strongly worded warning about the state of adoptions in Vietnam, and specifically in Phu Tho and Thai Nguyen; JCICS responded to rising concerns about the future of Vietnam adoptions and attempted to negotiate a universal standards of practice for the 42 agencies licensed to facilitate adoptions from Vietnam (which should be published in late January); The United States and Vietnam will be meeting over the next several months to discuss, and likely renegotiate, the Memorandum of Understanding that will terminate in 2008.
With change in the future, policy is all the current buzz. Fee schedules, child trafficking, and concerns over provincial autonomy are all important issues that will require increased oversight. In all likelihood, recent U.S. ratification and implementation of the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption will dictate the U.S. policy discussions as they meet with the DIA and Ministry of Justice. Whether Vietnam will sign on to the Convention will remain to be seen.

So where does that leave me? Just wondering and worrying more (and trying to remain positive). There is a meeting in Vietnam on Thursday (I guess today with the time difference) with the agencies. Maybe some questions will be answered there....only time will tell.

The Four Things Tag

I've been tagged by Jennifer at Journey to Holly, so here it goes:

Four Jobs I’ve Had:
1. Office assistant in my dad's office during high school
2. Gym Manager and Personal Trainer
3. Nanny
4. Special Education teacher (my current job for the past 8 years)

Four Movies I’ve watched Over and Over:
1. Beaches
2. The Christmas Story
3. Field of Dreams
4. The Little Mermaid (I'm reaching here, not a big movie watcher over person)

Four Places I’ve Lived:
1. Kalamazoo, MI (as an infant)
2. Gaylord Michigan (17 years)
3. West Lafayette, IN (go Boilers!)
4. Fishers, IN

Four Shows I watch:
1. Any Bravo reality show
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. General Hospital (my Grandma K. got me hooked at a very young age and I've watched it religiously ever since)
4. Lost

Four Places I've Been:
1. Itlay (or Italy depending on whose Christmas card you read!)
2. Bahamas
3. Canada
4. Cancun

Four People who email me regularly:
1. Kelly
2. My friend and co-worker Amy (even though we sit like 15 feet from each other, sometimes it's the only way to talk about things without the kids hearing)
3. Blogging buddies I’ve met through the adoption process
4. Vista Print- I place one order and I now get special offers almost daily!

Four Favorite things to eat:
1. Pizza
2. Pho
3. Crab Cakes
4. Lettuce Wraps at PF Chang's

Four Places I’d rather be:
1. Ft. Myers, Florida
2. Disney World
3. Chicago (once it gets a little warmer)
4. Vietnam picking up my child

Four things I look forward to this year:
1. Getting my referral
2. Travelling to Vietnam
3. The arrival of many friends' babies (Molly, Amy, Mark, Ryan, Kim, I am sure I am missing someone)
4. Summer at the neighborhood pool (I basically live there in June and July)

I will tag Erica at A Home for Haven and Heather at Waiting for Olivia (if she's feeling up to it)!

A fun but chilly weekend

It was a fun, but CHILLY 3 day weekend. On Sunday, I went to Grace's birthday party (can't believe she will be 5 this week). It was at the Bounce Zone. I faced one of my biggest fears and it wasn't by choice! Grace led me up the slide pictured on the left. The picture really doesn't do it justice. This thing went straight down, something I didn't know if my stomach could handle. Of course Grace flew down it and then anxiously waited for me at the bottom. I got to the top and looked down- oh my, was it steep! There was another 5 year old at the top. He was showing as much trepidation as I was feeling. Adam told me he was scared so he was going to hold my hand with both of his- there was no backing out at this point. I couldn't tell this 5 year old that I was going to climb my 29 and 5 year old body back down to safe ground. We made it down (with only 1 minor "plastic burn" for me) and I don't think I want to see this once in a lifetime moment that was caught on video (thanks Molly!). The slide pictured on the right was much more my speed and I had fun going down it with Sam!

I then met Kelly and Chloe for some shopping fun. We met my mom for dinner and then came back to my house for a girls' night in, playing Disney trivial pursuit and watching movies. Tomorrow it is back to the grind. At least tomorrow means I only have 7 days left until my trip to sunny Florida!

Can't a Girl Catch a Break?

I took a half day today so I could go back down to the secretary of state to get my employment letter certified. I was at school an hour longer than I was supposed to be, because I had to go through witness preparation with our lawyer for an upcoming hearing (that's a whole separate saga in itself). So I was a bit crabby already, but got downtown and was in and out of the government center in 10 minutes- I even got a parking spot right up front with 45 minutes left on the meter. That's gotta be a good sign, right? Wrong!

I drove up to the Kinko's fed ex store near home and filled out the shipping label. The "bright" fed-ex girl (who I shall call Tweedledee) behind the counter said, "we have a problem."

Me: What do you mean we have a problem?

Tweedledee: our system says the zip code is wrong.

Me (after double checking the zip code in my dossier packet): That can't be, that is the right zip code.

Tweedledee: you're right, I just checked the USPS site and it's the right zip code.

Me: Oh, okay

Tweedledee: nope, can't ship it, our system won't accept it.

Me: so, what should I do?

Tweedledee: well, you could use the nearest big city's zip code

Me (thinking to myself- because large cities like Cleveland only have one zip code): I don't think so. I can't take the risk with these documents.

Tweedledee: then we can't ship it

Great. I get on a computer (what's a little more money at this point?) and log on to my fed ex account. Lo and behold, I print the shipping label without a problem and go back to the counter.

Me: Here you go

Tweedledum (Another bright fed-ex person): How did you do that?

Me: I went to the fed-ex website and printed out the shipping label- it will deliver to the correct zip code.

Tweedledum: Wow- who thought of that?

Me: I did, but don't worry, I'm not looking to take your job.

Tweedledum failed to get my attempt at sarcastic humor. Oh well, at least the dossier is on its way to the agency. I am now officially #20 on the list and will HOPEFULLY have a referral in about 8 months.

Expect the Unexpected

The one thing I have learned during this adoption process: nothing ever goes as planned. Today I made my way downtown to get my documents state certified. But one minor error means I am going to have to go BACK downtown tomorrow. The secretary of state office would not certify my employment letter because the notary didn't put her middle initial in her signature. She is registered through the state with her middle initial in her signature so it was a no go. I was surprised at how calm I stayed when the news was broken to me. Why wouldn't something go wrong? There has been some sort of glitch every step of the way.

So, I went to my car and called my school's admin building and talked to the notary. She felt horrible. I kept telling her it was no big deal but she was extremely upset. I drove back up to Fishers and she notarized a cover letter that I added to the employment letter. I will drive back downtown tomorrow.

I think one of the reasons I stayed so calm is because I called the director of my agency. He told me it wouldn't matter if I overnight the dossier- an agency employee is out of the office and won't be back until Monday or Tuesday so things are a bit backed up. It won't make a difference if the dossier arrives on Friday or on Monday. I did ask where I was in the line for a boy. He said that many families have become DTV this week so I would be closer to #20. Boo. I asked if he thought I would have a referral by September and he just wasn't sure. So, more worrying about the MOU. He did have some encouraging words about the MOU, but said without a crystal ball, he just couldn't say for sure. I really am trying to remain positive.....it just gets a little harder as each day passes.

Tomorrow is a BIG Day

Tomorrow I will head downtown to get my dossier state certified. I plan to fed-ex the dossier tomorrow as well (maybe even overnight it). I got a bit of news today that makes me want to hurry this process along even more (if that is possible). It seems I am not the only one who has made the switch to agency #2. About three weeks ago, I would have been family #14. Now it seems I will be family #17, 18 or 19. This does mean a longer wait, probably 6-9 months. I am completely okay with that, but have started to worry again about that darn MOU. I know it is out of my hands. I have read both positive and negative outlooks. I hope this leap of faith wasn't in the wrong direction. I don't know what to think anymore, so I am going to try and stop thinking about it. All I can do is stay positive and pray.....

A not so quick adoption update

Today I got all of my dossier documents notarized (thanks Rene)! I had a brief panic attack, oh my, what am I getting myself into? The moment passed quickly and the excitement kicked in. On Thursday I will be heading downtown to get all of my documents state certified and then I will fed-ex them off to Ohio where they will make their way to the consulate in San Francisco. Hopefully, by the end of January, the dossier will be headed to Vietnam!!!

Last night I got another "sign" that my change in agencies was the right decision. The agency I am now officially with was my second choice. I didn't choose them for several reasons, one reason being the things I heard about lack of communication. I know now that this is NOT a reason to eliminate an agency and I must say, I have been totally impressed with the communication and support I have received from my new agency.

I digress, so back to the "sign". I have been worried about my refund from agency #1. Haven't heard anything and hope that no news is good news. Last night I emailed the new agency, asking what fees I needed to pay now. He promptly responded (knowing I hadn't received my refund) that I would be invoiced and "rest assured, we will process your dossier even if the full amount hasn't been paid this week." Phew! I will be sending a large portion of the fees with my dossier, but felt so much relief that I could wait another week or so to pay the rest. Hopefully I will have my refund by then.

Stay tuned for my "why the change" post that will better explain my reasons for switching agencies and will explain the many things I have learned about international adoption in the last 6 months.

Brought to you by the letter D

D is for dossier packet, which I did receive in the mail today! I should have all of my documents ready to take downtown by Thursday! Hopefully I will be able to fed-ex everything by Friday! I will be DTV before I know it!

D is also for difficult. Sometimes, this adoption process seems so difficult! I went to get my extra passport pictures today. Of course I needed more than the 2 that come in the $7.99 package. I didn't want to pay $7.99 for each set I needed. I know it is pocket change after everything I have spent in the last 2 weeks with the agency change. But every penny counts and seriously, the lady at Walgreen's just pulled out her digital camera to take the pictures and then used the passport program to make them the correct size. Is that really worth $7.99 x 3? I didn't think so and finally convinced her (after telling her my adoption saga) to make one print and then let me scan the print before she cut them out. She was nice enough to cut them all out for me and it only cost me $9.00. Score one for the PAP!

A Great Read

I love to read, and recently have been reading as many adoption books I can get my hands on (you can see my list on the right of the blog). Yesterday I read a great book and finished it in one day. Bringing our Angel Home, by Tracy Sanford Pillow. Pillow and her husband adopted a girl from Vietnam in 2001 and she now volunteers for Holt. I think what I liked most about this book is that it covered the history and culture of Vietnam in an easy to read fashion. I am passing it on to my mom (who will be traveling with me) to read so she can get a feel of Vietnamese life and the adoption process while in Vietnam. I would highly recommend this book to all PAPs, especially those who will find themselves in Ho Chi Minh City.

I hadn't researched HCMC much because with agency #1, there was a 99% chance I would only be in Hanoi. With agency #2, I will definitely be in Southern Vietnam and am pretty excited about being able to see and experience more of the country!

Speaking of travel, congrats to all those who have received I-600 approval and are heading to Vietnam before TET. To my BBs still waiting, I am keeping my fingers crossed and sending good vibes your way. I hope you hear news this week and can hop on a plane by Feb. 12th, if not earlier!

Favorite Photo Friday #8

I am dreaming of my upcoming trip to Florida. Can't wait to be on the beach again. In less than 3 weeks, I will be soaking up the sun while my dossier makes its way to Vietnam. This picture is from a trip to Ft. Myers 2 1/2 years ago. We drove (ugh) but had a great time and even made a day trip to Disney!

How Do You Spell Relief?

A-P-P-R-O-V-E-D

While I haven't heard those exact words yet, I have finally talked to the agency. He is looking at my home study as I type. I should hear something by the end of the evening. Hoping my dossier packet arrives tomorrow....My anxiety level is back down a bit. And looking at the bright side of things, I have had to have lost some weight in the past 2 days. I spent so much time on the computer, checking my email every 20 minutes, I didn't have time to think about being hungry. What a great way to jump start my first week back on weight watchers!

Update- I FINALLY got approval at 12:15 pm on Friday. DTV- here I come!

Anxiety Part II

Seems as if there is quite a bit of anxiety and frustration in Indiana these days. Erica hasn't received her fingerprinting appointment. I have not received the final okay for my home study or my new dossier packet. GRRR. I just sent my nice "follow up" email. Hopefully I will hear back by tomorrow. I was hoping to have everything by the weekend to get things together. Looks like that won't happen. I WILL stay positive. Hopefully my dossier packet will arrive by Monday or Tuesday. Luckily the wonderful treasurer at my school is willing to notarize everything for me whenever I am ready. I guess I can always pick up my home study on the way downtown to get things authenticated. Why do the weeks fly by when you (and other people) need a little more time to get things done?

Anxiety

There is always so much anxiety involved with adoption. Today I am anxious about my home study. My 2nd draft was sent to agency #2 yesterday. I was hoping to hear it was approved today. I think I am so anxious because agency #1 apparently never received the first copy of my original HS draft. It took 2 weeks to get that mess all sorted out. I really, really, really, want my dossier ready to go by the end of next week. So once again, I am obsessively checking my email, waiting to hear that the final draft has been approved. I know 24 (28 to be exact) hours isn't a long time to wait. I will give them 48, maybe 50 hours and then I will call....as my mom reminded me tonight, patience is a virtue! A virtue I seem to be lacking these days.

What's in a name?

Melissa asked if I had a name picked out. I have a couple, and thought I had decided. I had decided until I found out my top pick was a top pick for many new moms! Do I want my son to have the same name as 4 other boys in his class? I am not sure. I am definitely not going to give up on a name just because it is popular, but I am going to look for other names and see if anything jumps out at me. As of now, I haven't found any and still keep going back to my first name choice. I have decided I will wait until I see his picture. Hopefully, it will be the perfect fit! So for now, he will be my little peanut!

A new outfit

I have bought several things for baby on eBay and at a local children's sale. But this was my first purchase in a store. Of course it was on sale and I had some birthday money, so I couldn't resist! There are so many cute boys clothes out there- oh, did I mention I will be adopting a boy? More info on that will come in a later post. I am hoping my little peanut will be no older than 6-7 months when I bring him home (who knows with the current I600 fiasco), so I think I am safe buying 6-12 months and 9 months clothes- they should fit sometime in the fall. Without further ado, here is the 3 piece outfit I fell in love with:

Favorite Photo Friday #7: The year in review

January: Colt's win the Superbowl. Being at the game where we beat the Patriots in order to go on to the Superbowl was truly one of the most memorable moments of my life!

February and March: Hmmm...returned from our annual trip to Fort Myers Beach at the beginning of February. A few quiet months, which is always good! Oh, my Goddaughter did get her ears pierced- a definite rite of passage!April: Two exciting trips. First my best friend and mother of my Godchildren (Heather) and I took a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas.

Then at the end of April, my childhood friend Julie and I went up to Chicago to celebrate (in her memory) my sister's birthday. Julie was a year in between my sister and I and we grew up together in Gaylord. We went to Wicked which is one of my new all time fav Broadway shows!May: Another quiet month. The usual prom and end of the school year activities!

June- the BIG family cruise to Italy! Another great moment in my life!

July through October: Taught summer school and got to spend time at the pool. Went into adoption mode. Towards the end of July, I seriously searched and search for the perfect country (decided on Vietnam pretty quickly) and then the perfect agency (oh, if I only knew then what I know now). Applied to agency #1, had my homestudy and met with the Families with Children from Vietnam group. And of course, got to spend time with Grace, Max and Sam!

November: The world of Vietnam adoptions is turned upside down. I began researching some more, unable to turn a blind eye to what I am reading. And my best friend Kelly was awarded Principal of the Year!

December: Had my fingerprint appointment at USCIS and received my I-171H in less than 3 weeks. Applied to agency #2. Started feeling the affects of eating my way through November and December (that adoption weight has a funny way of creeping up on you). Of course had a wonderful Christmas season!

All in all, a great year. Stay tuned for 2008...

Ornament Obsessed

Today was the day I spent taking down Christmas decorations. The biggest task is always my trees. I have a lot of ornaments. This year I thought I should add some to my garage sale box, but it was so hard! I have so many that have sentimental value and then there are the collections I buy each year from Hallmark. My mom asked me how many ornaments I have- no idea, but I thought I should take a few pictures as I was taking them off the tree(s).

From the big tree:

From the Peanuts tree:

The meager garage sale pile:I am so anal retentive about my ornaments- I keep all of the Hallmark and Cherished Teddy ones in their original boxes. Today I let go and combined some ornaments together in one box just to get rid of a few boxes. I threw away at least 10 boxes (baby steps, people). Let's face it, if this is what my garage sale pile looks like, I am not going to sell a bunch of them on ebay to make some extra cash. I just can't do it (even though many are worth more than their original price)! So, until next year, goodbye Christmas ornaments!

What a feeling!

It's been a great morning! I have spent most of it on the phone about the adoption. I finally talked to agency #1- it was no big deal and they wished me the best on my adoption. I also talked to my HS agency. She is working on the changes right now and should be able to email a final draft for agency #2 to review by the end of the week. The final call was to agency #2. He answered several dossier questions and is going to get a packet sent ASAP (even though the office is closed for the week). It's such a great feeling to make so much progress in just a few hours! I cannot explain the excitement I feel about being able to authenticate my dossier documents in the next week or two!

Now, I am off to enjoy my birthday with family and friends. I am pretty sure all of you know what I will be wishing for when I blow out my candles tonight!

Hello 2008

I just got home about 30 minutes ago (wanted to get home before all the crazy drivers hit the roads) and wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year! I don't start any resolutions until after my birthday so I have 2 more days of living large (literally!), then it's back to Weight Watchers.

I went to a small, but fun gathering tonight and the toast given by one of my friends was simple: "To babies!" What a great moment for me! So to everyone waiting- here's to many special memories with our bundles of joy in 2008!