Down to the Wire

I knew things would get down to the wire. I had no idea how down to the wire they would get. Today I got word that my agency believes my referral has been approved. I should get confirmation tomorrow. Hooray! But wait, that isn't the end of the saga. They are not sure when I will get said approved referral. Huh? I guess all referrals need to be approved by September 1st. They don't have to be accepted by the family by September 1st. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post, but it makes me nervous. I don't want to question my agency on this, but of course I did. I also asked the dreaded, what if there is something wrong with the medicals question. I am sure I will not like the answer to that one.

So, I could be waiting until next week to see my son's face. So frustrating. Here I thought I was in the final few days of this roller coaster ride. Looks like the coaster is starting up another hill....

One Week From Today

Everyone in the adoption world knows what I am talking about. Heck, I think everyone who knows me knows what I am talking about. It's hard to believe that September 1st is exactly one week away. By this point, I thought I would know something definite. Yes, I will have a referral or no, I won't. Talk about down to the wire. So this week I will continue to hope. I will continue to pray in earnest. I will continue to wish with all my heart. I will keep dreaming of my son.

Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve

If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.

Martin Luther King Jr.


Making Wishes
The best time to make a wish is when you throw a penny in the fountain.
The best time to make a wish is when you see the first star.
The best time to make a wish is when you blow out the candles on your cake.
And the very best time to make a wish is when you have a special prayer in your heart.

Mattie J.T. Stepanek (1990-2004)

Favorite Photo Friday/Quote of the Century

"I want to go to kindergarten everyday...like even when I'm supposed to be in third grade, I'm just going to go to kindergarten every day"

--Grace, after her 1st day of school

I love this girl..and I hope her mom doesn't mind me sharing :)!

Letdown

I really thought this would be the week. Sadly, it wasn't. I have another weekend of waiting. Seems as though my referral just needs final approval. I don't know if that is the DIA letter or if it waiting for the final waiting period (based on birth date) to pass. Maybe my son is younger than I anticipated. Maybe he is a May or early June baby (glad I only bought 2 outfits for next summer that are 18 months). Hopefully, all will be revealed next week. Luckily our facilitator will be in Vietnam for the next 2 weeks. I am putting complete trust and faith in him (and Him), hoping the final approval will happen quickly. Apparently the final match has to be approved by Dr. Long (DIA) by September 1st. My paperwork doesn't have to be returned to Vietnam by September 1st. Of course, I had a freak out moment today. What if I am this close and it doesn't happen? My agency assures me my case will be fine. I wish I were as confident.

That was Fast

The honeymoon is over. It was a blissful eight days...well, it was a blissful 4 days. I saw the "signs" on Thursday, when one of my students dropped the f-bomb in English class. I kind of knew that the end was near. The end to a peaceful classroom. Ah, they didn't let me down. I made 5 parent phone calls yesterday because these 5 students are already "forgetting" to do homework. Today I started getting grade reports from teachers. Why am I already seeing F's? Today my assistant and I were called "buttholes". I guess it could have been worse. It usually is. I do love my job and my kids. They keep me on my toes. This was the career I chose. I signed up for the madness. Some may call me crazy- you would be correct. My classroom just wouldn't be the same without some excitement. Let the good times roll.....

For The Love of a Country

I have never been to Viet Nam, but have already fallen in love with the country and its people. I have read many books about Vietnam and have spent countless hours online researching the country and the culture. This weekend I decided to start helping the people of Viet Nam. I made my first loan to a business through Kiva.

Kiva is a microfinance site that allows people to loan money to people across the world. They find business owners in need of funds, and people then send them the money they need.

I chose a woman (actually a group of woman) in Hanoi. She would like to purchase more fruits and vegetables to sell. She has 2 school-aged children. Everyday she sells fruits and vegetables in the market. Her family's average daily income is 150,000VND (about 9.50USD). Her group also consists of a woman who would like to purchase a buffalo and another who wants to invest in breeding ducks. Others want to invest in a cafe, open a woodcarving shop, invest in crafting, invest in an existing souvenir shop, and invest in a butcher shop. I can't wait for the updates on this amazing group of women!

The default rates of the Viet Nam businesses on Kiva is 0%. Wow! I hope this is something I can continue to do as a way to help the people that are hard working citizens in my son's birth country (at least I hope and pray it's his birth country).

Favorite Photo Friday

What can I say? You can't keep a blogger down! I am thinking my dad is ready to be a grandpa. Whenever we can't find Max, Sam and my dad, we know they are up to something! I like to think of this as Polish basketball (yes, I am Polish!).

Have I ever mentioned Sam's arm? I am convinced he is going to be a major league baseball pitcher or a basketball player. The boy has got skills!

He shoots

He scores!

So, yeah, Grandpa is ready. Of course Grandma is ready too!

Lucky Number 13

I have always thought 13 was a lucky number for me. Today I became convinced. I got a phone call today. Not THE CALL, but still a great call. Margie left a voicemail, letting me know she was sending a referral release waiver. She asked the facilitator if this meant my referral was definite. GT told her yes, it is a go. I actually got the email before I got the voice mail. Here is the email:

Hi Kelli,

I have good news for you. GT has asked me to send you our referral release waiver is preparation for your pending referral! As to when to expect it- I still don’t know that yet- I think next week would be the earliest.

Please sign the attached referral release waiver and fax it ASAP to the office so you are all set should your referral come in!

Margie

Here is the letter that came with this waiver:

Dear Prospective Adoptive Parents,

Congratulations on your pending official referral. We are excited to be able to refer you a child. At this time in the Vietnam adoption world there is much competition for referrals and much stress and disappointment to the many families that have had dossiers logged in at the DIA for quite some time that may or may not receive referrals from their agency. Taking this into consideration we deem it necessary to require our prospective parents receiving pending referrals, to agree to keep any communication or exchange of information about their referral off of the internet until after the international adoption has been completed and parents and adopted child have returned to the United States. You may of course share your good news with your immediate family and close friends via telephone or other communication (marked private and confidential). We ask for your cooperation with this as we wish to ensure the safety of your referral.

Please sign the attached waiver, granting your consent to comply with this restriction.

I can’t believe this is happening. It is so surreal. I started shaking, felt a little disbelief. I printed off the waiver and ran down to the office at school to fax it. Of course the first time I sent it I sent it upside down so it went through blank! I had to have Nancy, our director of guidance help me! I then went and called my mom and dad. I then called a few other people, swearing them to secrecy as this waiver says I can’t share any referral information until I am back home with my son in the United States. My son. My son. I can’t believe how real this is starting to feel. This may be the first weekend in at least 6 months that isn’t filled with dread. I am feeling excitement. The same excitement I felt when I decided to adopt. This journey has been filled with so many ups and downs. Finally, I am on the way up again! Oh my goodness, I am going to be a MOM!!!

My first blogger award

I interrupt this blogging break to accept my lovely award from Maria, who, by the way, just became the mommy of a beautiful baby girl. I am honored. It's even better than the Daytime Emmy I dream of receiving. You know, the one I win when Jason sweeps me off my feet and we rescue Sonny from the Russian Mafia. Ah, a girl can dream....and look into getting a life. Anyway, I need to answer these questions as a sort of acceptance speech, so here I go:

A. Attached or single? Single, hopefully attached to a child very soon

B. Best friend? Kelly and Heather

C. Cake or pie? Cake

D. Day of choice? Friday

E. Essential item? Diet Coke

F. Favorite color? Sage green

G. Gummy bears or worms? either, preferably sour

H. Hometown? Gaylord

I. Indulgence? vanilla bean cheesecake from the Cheese*cake Factory

J. January or July? January, I guess because of my birthday; I prefer the weather in July

K. Kids? Hoping and praying!

L. Life isn’t complete without? Friends, family and faith

M. Marriage date? maybe someday

N. Number of brothers & sisters? one sister, watching over me in Heaven

O. Oranges or apples? Apples

P. Phobias? birds- yep, parrots, geese, duck, any bird in enclosed spaces. Goes back to being bit by duck when I will little (thanks, Dad, for encouraging my to pet the darn thing)

Q. Quotes? Check the header on my blog

R. Reasons to smile? Well, I might cry at this point if I didn't smile!

S. Season of choice? Summer

T. Tag peeps! (see below)

U. Unknown fact about me? I managed a gym and was a personal trainer before I settled into teaching

V. Vegetable? fresh green beans

W. Worst habits? procrastination!

X. X-ray or ultrasound? huh?

Y. Your favorite food? pizza and pho

Z. Zodiac sign? Capricorn

Hmm...who to tag


I could say Julie, who may win a People's Choice award for her recent park encounter. She may even end up on the next season of Bad Girl's Club. I could also tag Laura who handled the recent lock out with style and grace (she did great). I bet her hair even held out (I will NOT be convinced, Laura. And, if I do meet you, I might still deny the fact that you have bad hair days).

Really, I could have nominated each and every blog I read, so if you are interested, go for it!

Blog-a-versary

One year ago today, I started this blog as a way to document my adoption journey. What year it has been. At that point, I had been researching agencies for a few weeks. I was so excited about adopting and about becoming a mom. I had NO IDEA what was in store for me. I am still excited today, but is a completely different feeling. I wouldn't even know how to begin to put those feelings into words. Today, 208 posts later, I have been waiting to become a mom for 386 days. Not too long considering it's a dream I have had for as long as I can remember. There have been good memories, amusing memories, sad memories and some memories I wish I could forget. One amusing memory that sticks out in my mind is when my doctor wouldn't sign my homestudy physical because I wasn't a good candidate for surrogacy. Ahhhh, perhaps that is one I could have done without, but it will be a good story to tell my children someday.

I can honestly say I am a completely different person today than I was one year ago. This adoption journey has affected me in so many different ways. My views of life, family, motherhood, family, politics and the world in general are forever changed. One thing that has changed my life for the better is the friends I have made on this journey. I am getting teary just thinking about it. How do you explain to people the friends you can make in the blogging community? Yes, most of us have the common bond of adoption. But I have also connected with other teachers and old friends I haven't seen in years. The common bond of adoption has created a wonderful support network for me. These people understand exactly what I am feeling. They are there to comfort during the bad times and celebrate the good times. My daily thoughts and prayers are for many people I have never met but I feel like I know so well. I have cried tears of joy for blog friends who have received referrals and who have been united with their children after they waited way.too.long. For those still waiting an extremely long amount of time (especially Kris, Daphne, Jennifer and Tiffany), I can't wait for the day that you are united with your babies. There have also been too many tears of sadness. I know we will all find our children, someday. So many of you have blown me away with your faith and strength during such difficult and trying times.

And of course there are the kiddos that are home with their wonderful families. I love hearing what they are up to- Noah, Zoe, Colin, Cooper, Mattix, Jack, Shane, Finley, SP, Lucy, Petunia, Gracie, Lulu, Lucie, Parker, Hannah, Hailey, Phoebe, Lilly, Quinn ....the list goes on and on! Each and every child holds special place in my heart. So do their parents. It is truly a circle of friends. And for that, I am forever grateful. Many I have met in real life, talked to on the phone and emailed. There are so many more I hope to meet IRL someday. And even if I don't, I always know they will be there as we continue to follow each others' journeys through life.

Speaking of life, mine seems to be at a crossroads right now. I don't know what the next few weeks will bring for me. I am cautiously optimistic yet very anxious. I am scared, nervous, excited...I am a hot mess! I don't know how much I will be blogging. I thought about making this blog private or moving completely to wordpress. If I move, I will be changing the password. Apparently I was too generous with the password...well, not me, but someone was. Way too many hits considering how many people have the password. According to my stat counter, this blog gets an average of 100-165 hits per day. Hmmmm....who are all of these people? Any lurkers want to introduce themselves? Anyway, if I go private, I will send invites. It will only be temporary, until I know where things stand and I hope you will continue to check back. I do know that, someday, I will be blogging (for the whole world to see) about the day I became a mom. I just don't know when that will be. Hopefully it will be one day very soon!

I can't believe I'm gonna say this....

...but I am so glad to be back at school. Yikes! I almost always wish for a few more days or weeks. In order to move the last day of school to before Memorial Day this year, our summer was even shorter than it normally is. Still.don't.care. I needed to be busy again. Needed to get my mind off of the adoption 24/7. Needed to get my a** off of the couch. I think it was starting to attach itself to the cushions. Needed to be away from the internet.

Today was very busy, getting ready for the first day of school on Monday. Of course many, many people asked about the adoption. That didn't bother me too much, I just gave it to them straight: it may or may not happen but I am cautiously optimistic. Everyone was so supportive. I didn't even check my non-school email until 3:30. I did, however, get roped into being a freshman class sponsor. Hmmm....why do I always let things like this happen? Oh, right, I can't say no. I actually would have said no if my friend Nancy hadn't asked me to do it with her. It will be fun to work with her, earn a little extra money and it won't be a big deal if I am gone 6...or 8 weeks this year.

So hoping I am gone 8 weeks this year. And the good news? I will be able to use 30 of my sick days. Yes, addressing my concerns about the corporation's adoption leave to the union paid off! So come on baby, I'm ready!

I'm Baaaccck

And I am in a much better place than I was on Saturday afternoon. I stayed off the blogs and the boards. I think I am going to stay off most of the boards for the time being. I only made it 22 hours before I got on my email. I had one very important email to send and had a good one waiting for me! So, to my email buddy, thanks! It's always great to be able to "talk" through the anxieties, hopes and fears that come along with this journey. The emails are appreciated (I hope she knows that)! Speaking of communication, I want to send a HUGE THANKS to a blogger buddy I was finally able to talk to on the phone on Sunday. She was a great source of comfort and support. Thanks for the words of wisdom and thanks for all you do!

So, I'm still waiting, but do indeed have a renewed sense of hope and a sense of cautious optimism. And I have faith. Faith that will get me through this, no matter what happens. I will be a mom, just hoping it is sooner rather than later.

Computer Free on 8/3

I have been spending WAY too much time on the computer. I obsessively check my email, obsessively check blogs and obsessively check the Vietnam boards. I can't keep this routine up. It is causing too much anxiety and stress. I am getting a cold and it's no wonder, the way I get myself worked up over little things. I read that one agency says there is no time to get the official referral at this point in time. Then I read something completely different. I can read the exact same email two or three times and have completely different reactions each time. One time it may give me hope, the next it sends me into uncontrollable crying. It's ridiculous.

Bottom line, no one knows what is going to happen. Until something official comes out, no one knows. The only thing official I have read is that PAPs must have an official referral by September 1st. The same document says Vietnam will attempt to match 50% of the dossiers logged in. So that is what I have to hang onto. That my dossier will be matched and I will receive an official referral. It may not happen but I can't change that. Therefore, before my emotions get even more out of control, I need to take a break from the computer. I vow not to get near the internet tomorrow. I need a break, maybe a 2 day break. Hopefully you will hear from me on Tuesday and I will be refreshed and renewed, full of hope.

Favorite Photo Friday

I have been worried about how my cat Tess will react to having a new little one around full time. She isn't always very nice to my little visitors. She hisses and growls if anyone under the age of 12 tries to get near her. She is okay with Grace. I haven't figured that one out yet, but I think it is because Grace doesn't pay too much attention to her. She is the only child under the age of 12 that has been able to pet her in the last 3 years.

So when the kids were here Tuesday night, I knew it would be stressful for Tess. She was however, very interested in Lucy. I know my son will be a bit older and more mobile, but hopefully Tess will adjust. Around 10:30, I was making the rounds, checking on the sleeping kids upstairs and downstairs. I came back to find Tess, guarding Lucy.

I am ready for my son. I even have a watch cat that will help protect him!