My Heart is Mush

Tonight my heart melted. I didn't think it was possible, but I am more in love with Aiden Bao today more than ever. I got 6 new pictures of Aiden tonight. He has big smiles in two of them. Bestill my beating heart! He hasn't grown too much- 2 pounds heavier and about 1 centimeter taller. His noggin is quite a bit larger! So it seems he is gaining about a pound a month. Hopefully he will get longer soon! The first measurements I got from June put Aiden in the 10th percentile for height and weight. This was on the US charts! He is now just under the 10th percentile for weight and dropped off the charts for height. I need to check the charts for head circumference, but I think all is good in that department. I was a bit sad to see that his chubby cheeks have slimmed down :(.

I did get teary looking at the pictures. I want to get him RIGHT NOW. But I know that is out of my control and all I can do is pray we are united in early January (that is my gut feeling right now). He has a few sores on the top of his head. Not sure if it is scabies, acne or some cradle cap. The joy in seeing him smile far outweighs my worries right now. He looks happy and well taken care of. He had several Kung Fu poses in the pictures. I think Aiden will be a mover and a shaker! I will leave you with the most beautiful smile....

Getting to know you Tag

Nancy tagged me. At least I can post these answers instead of writing about my manic Monday. You know it's gonna be a bad day when you go to the bathroom and your long, flowy skirt falls into the toilet. And it's only 10 am. Ugh. Okay, these answers will hopefully be a bit more interesting and less embarrassing.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:45
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Sex in the City
4. What is your favourite TV show? Do I have to pick one? Grey’s Anatomy
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Fiber One Bar and a yogurt.
6. What is your middle name? Ann
7. What food do you dislike? Steak
8. What is your favourite CD at the moment? The adoption CD I made
9. What kind of car do you drive? Honda Accord
10. Favourite sandwich? Orange Roughy Sandwich from Eddy's
11. What characteristic do you despise? Dishonesty
12. Favourite item of clothing? pajamas- I have quite the fetish
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Right now I think SE Asia
14. Favourite brand of clothing? Gymboree- not for me, of course!
15. Where would you retire to? I've got at least 30 years until retirement, can't even go there right now.
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Hmmm....
17. Favourite sport to watch? NFL football
18. When is your birthday? January 2
19. Are you a morning person or a night person? kind of both, though I would lean towards a morning person
20. What is your shoe size? 8
21. Pets? My moody cat Tess
22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Perhaps....I wish I could
23. What did you want to be when you were little? a mom
24. How are you today? Did I mention my skirt fell in the toilet?
25. What is your favourite candy(lollie/chocolate)? any type of chocolate/peanut butter combo
26. What is your favourite flower? tulips
27. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Hmmm...I am hoping January 10th is a good day
28. What is your full name? Not on my blog- although one of my students calls me Old Lady K. Nice.
29. What are you listening to right now? I've got GH playing right now
30. What was the last thing you ate? some pho ga
31. Do you wish on stars? YES!
32. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
33. How is the weather right now? Rainy, hopefully cooling things down
34. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? another teacher at school
35. Favourite soft drink? Diet Coke- it's my addiction
36. Favourite restaurant? My newest is Saigon Restaurant
37. Real hair colour? Brown of some sort- it's been a while since I've seen anything but roots
38. What was your favourite toy as a child? barbies
39. Summer or winter? summer
40. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
41. Chocolate or Vanilla? I have to go with vanilla
42. Coffee or tea? Tea
43. When was the last time you cried? September 3rd
44. What is under your bed? sweaters in a storage container
45. What did you do last night? not much- watched TV of course.
46. What are you afraid of? mice
47. Salty or sweet? Salty
48. How many keys on your key ring? 2 key rings- 3 on each ring
49. How many years at your current job? 9
50. Favourite day of the week? Saturday
51. How many places have you lived in? 7 places in 4 cities
52. Do you make friends easily? I think so

Who to tag....how about some absent bloggers: Mark, Amy, Kristin, and two who hasn't been absent, but I'd like to see thier answers: Melissa and Heather.

FCV Picnic

Today we had our local FCV picnic. We were 5 families strong! The R's were not able to make it because they are in Vietnam picking up Sang! The D's were on a well-deserved vacation in Florida and a few others were unable to make it. It was fun "introducing" Aiden to the group. It's so nice to be in the company of others who have been through this long wait to travel. Hopefully by our next get-together, Aiden (and his friend Liem) will be home from Vietnam! Michael is ready for more boys to join the group. Here is a group shot of all of the kiddos. Emily is holding Aiden's picture.

Favorite Photo Friday

Dancing Queen

Mason too!

Mason is coming home! He will be in his daddy's arms for his 1st birthday. What a long road this has been. Congrats Tiffany and family. What a great end to the week!

I'm SO excited!

Matthew is coming home! So happy for him, his mommy and all of his buddies who also got approvals.

Now, I just need to hear about Caroline's approval and Holly's I-600 being filed- then life will be very very good! And thanks to Teresa (Caroline's mommy) for nominating me for another Smile Award. I told her I will have an even bigger smile when sweet Caroline comes home!

Not as bummed

I was so upset to hear I could be waiting another month for my I600 to be filed. But then I had to give myself a big ol' reality check. I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture. I have my referral. I have a gorgeous son waiting for me in Vietnam. There are many, many people who can't say that. Great people who waited a lot longer than I did but didn't get their referral. I am so thankful for my little Aiden Bao!

So, he may not come home when I want him to. But he will come home. So he'll be a month or so older than I originally anticipated at his homecoming. I will have years with this little boy to make up for the 6, 7 or 8 months I have missed. It is not my timing, it is His. I can only imagine what that day will be like...the day I hold my son for the first time. It will be worth the wait!

Bummed

I was so hoping my I600 would be filed in early October. Now it is looking like late October. I really wanted to travel in late December/early January. Now it could be February. And that means Tet. And that means a possible delay. I wanted Aiden to be in my arms before he was 8 months old. Now I just don't know and that makes me so sad and heart broken. I like to be in control of things. This is certainly out of my control and that makes me crazy!

To Whom It May Concern...

• I do not like surprises in my pho. Not.at.all. There are certain "parts" that should be left to the imagination. My mom and I had queasy stomachs all night. I know it was our minds playing tricks on us. Fear Factor is not in my future.
• I am sorry about the orange cone...okay, cones. I did not see them as it is dark when I leave at 6:45 in the morning. Just a suggestion- road signs. A detour sign or road closed ahead sign may have prevented this little mishap. But perhaps my town is too busy fighting the big annexation. With the money spent on the fight so far, maybe they can no longer afford signage in construction areas. Here's a thought- let it go and let them go. Let them find their own schools and police coverage. Our town is big enough. P.S- I am glad you were able to pick up the cones from their final resting place...600 feet away....and reuse them. But it is harder to see them when the top of the cone is perpendicular to the street.
• When did it become socially appropriate for people to chew with their mouths open? Wide open? Gum, especially. Drives me nuts. I am just dumbfounded by the number of people I see, chomping away, mouths wide open. I had a teacher who used to say we looked like cows chewing cud....I think she was right.
• Please try to stop judging and "fixing" my students. I know they have issues but I do the best I can to help them succeed and just make it through the day. It's hard to turn in homework when your cousin got shot over the weekend and is fighting for his life. It's hard to keep feelings in check when your sister ran away 2 months ago and hasn't been heard from since. Making sure a student's pants stay pulled up is not a battle I will fight when he is working through the fact that his parents don't want him at home anymore. Walk a mile in their shoes and then you can judge.
• Thanks for listening. Sometimes it does a soul good to vent!
  

Single Parenting Tip #912

I learned something very, very important last week. It is a tip I will file away for the next 16 or 17 years (I hope). Good kids make bad decisions. Let's say your good son or daughter makes the bad decision to drink at a high school football game. Let's say your good son or daughter gets caught drinking at said football game. When your son or daughter (or the local police) call you to pick up your child- bring a friend. Someone needs to be there to hold you back, to calm you down. I witnessed this tip in action. It was a good move on the mom's part. The first two teens that got picked up had both a mom and a dad come to get them. I noticed that on each occasion, the dad had to calm the mom, be the rational one. I asked the person I was working with (who happens to be a single mom), what she would do if it happened to her. She told me she would bring someone with her.

Sure enough, teen #3 was picked up by mom only who brought a friend with her. I think this would be good advice for all moms- if you spouse is out of town or unavailable, bring a friend. Because I am pretty sure your blood will be boiling and your thought process will be anything but rational. Trust me, I saw it with my own two eyes, time after time after time.

Now personally, I think that if my someday son does get caught drinking at a football game, I would have to call my connections in the local police department. Because I'm pretty sure, for his own safety, it might be a good idea if he did not come home for a night. Three hots and a cot for 24 hours might be a better alternative than spending the night with his irrational, not at all calm, mother!

Check this out!

We all know Laurie and love, love, love her blog and her gorgeous children! Laurie has been doing some great giveaways lately. You need to check out the latest one! I would love to win this one.

Oh, and another great thing about Laurie's blog? You can buy hotslings from her. Something I plan on doing someday, hopefully soon!

Happy 4 months sweet boy

Dear Aiden Bao Quoc,

Today you are four months old. It has been four months since you were found and brought to the Relief Center. I wonder what you look like as the only pictures I have of you were taken in mid June. Some wonderful friends and APs tried to get pictures of you in early August, but it seems you weren't in the room with the other babies. Four of the nannies were out with babies. Some of these babies were getting their medicals. I wonder if you were with them, possibly getting some vaccinations. Oh how I wish I could have been with you to comfort and soothe you. Or maybe you were in another room for younger babies.

I wonder if your little cheeks have gotten chubbier. I wonder how much you weigh and how much longer you have gotten. I hope and pray you are being loved and taken care of. I do not worry about this. All of the parents who have brought home babies from your orphanage say the 14 nannies love the babies very much. The nannies take good care of the babies. But today my arms are longing to hold you. I long to hold you against me and feel your heart beat. I want to touch your 10 long fingers and 10 long toes. I want to kiss your precious lips. Soon my little prince, soon.

Tonight is a perfectly clear night. I am gazing at the full moon, sending you love, kisses and wishes for sweet dreams. My heart is already full of love for you. I can't imagine loving you anymore than I do now. But I know when I finally hold you in my arms, that love will overflow and take over my entire being. Mommy is coming. I love you Aiden Bao.

Who, Me?

I am flattered and honored to receive the Smile Award from Laura. It means a lot, especially coming from one of my favorite bloggers who always makes me smile (especially when she posts about sweet Mattix)! Thanks Laura- what a great welcome back to the blogging world.

Characteristics for the Smile Award:
1. Must display a cheerful attitude.
2. Must love one another.
3. Must make mistakes.
4. Must learn from others.
5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world.
6. Must love life.
7. Must love kids.

These are the rules for The Smile Award.

1. The recipient must link back the the award’s creator
2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.
3. You must chose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself.
4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award
5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.
6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.
7. You must thank your giver.

So, following are the five people that I choose to win the Smile Award. This is a hard decision- there are so many people who make me smile in the blogger world.

1. Jessica: Jessica is a friend in the blogger world and IRL. We used to work together and spent many a lunch hour (or half hour which ends up being 20 minute by the time the kids leave) discussing Lost and the latest reality show happenings. She is now a wonderful SAHM to Oliver and Elliott. Her stories and pictures of the boys always make me smile. If you haven't seen the video of Oliver with his "pet" cicada, it's a must see!

2. Lina: Lina and I have been at this adoption thing for what seems like forever. She has become a source of support through email. Her blog makes me smile and today I got a little something in the mail from Lina that had me grinning from ear to ear!

3. Susan: I mean, come on. How could I NOT nominate Susan and her sweet Petunia? That little girl makes me melt every time I see a new picture of her and I love hearing what she is up to. Susan made it through her surgery with a smile (at least by the time she blogged :))so she definitely deserves this award.

4. C-mon: aka Nutmeg mama is my fourth nomination. We met in blogland, became email buddies and even fit in a phone call or two when there is time. We even ran into each other IRL at a zoo one day (okay, it wasn't really a random meeting). She's always got great pictures of Jade on her blog that make me smile. And we can always share a laugh or two- it's gotta be that special education teacher connection!

5. Mab: Another teacher connection here. Mab is a great commenter on my blog- a great supporter. I love reading about the happenings and seeing the pictures of E and Em (hint, hint :)). And I am pretty sure she loves Disney as much as I do! Who can't smile when they think of Disney?

Stop the Silence

I can't stay silent forever. It's such a dreary day here as we experience the remnants of hurricane Ike. I think it was a first to check the weather online and see squalls in the forecast. I haven't seen that since I lived in northern Michigan and we had snow squalls. I am thinking of all of you who felt the actual hurricane. I hope everyone is safe. The day is looking more dreary as I watch my Colts...I hope things turn around in the next 3 quarters. So really, what can I do today to make me feel better? Blog. Of course!

I still can't say much on the adoption front, but I am doing okay. Really, I am. And while there may be some things I can't blog about, I can still post....fluff. The little things sometimes make great stories. Like the progress I am making with my social skills class. Well, there was that one discussion about snitches. No one wants to be a snitch. I learned that many students in my class would rather go to jail or prison than be a snitch. As one student said, "as long as I don't bend ov...." Errrr...maybe that shouldn't be on my blog. Okay, the progress is very slow.

Oh, there was the discussion outside my classroom I had to interrupt last week. I heard a student say that if a girl didn't have the....uh oh, here we go again....didn't have the big O, she wouldn't get pregnant. Gotta love impromptu sex education. I can honestly say my job is never boring.

So yes, it may not be earth-shattering news, but I am back on the blogging scene.

Tet Trung Thu

Tonight, the day of the Vietnamese Mid Autumn Festival, I will go outside, look up at the moon and send up wishes to my sweet Aiden Bao. I may have to envision the moon as we are experiencing the remnants of hurricane Ike. Regardless, I can't help but think of my little prince on the other side of the world who sees the same moon ....

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you."
~Christopher Robin

Irrational

I have been irrational. I have this fear that my son is not real. That there is no baby waiting for me in Vietnam. I fear that something went wrong and he is no longer at the orphanage. I am already in love with this little boy, but for some reason, I am scared out of my mind that he is just a figment of my imagination.

Luckily, my AP friends have told me this is completely normal. That did make me feel a little better, but it didn't really help me completely let go of my fears. Right now I just need to trust in God and know he is watching over this little boy in Vietnam.

Oh yes I did

I have seen this on many blogs and it was a moment I wanted to capture. On Saturday morning, the Fed*Ex man delivered the paperwork. Even though I told him what was in the package, he didn't seem to understand what he was delivering. "You want to do what?' He was a good sport!

Last Few Days in Pictures

Trying to write down info while shaking like a leaf!

Ooh- the emails have arrived.

Tears of joy as I see Aiden Bao's face for the first time

Oh my, this is really happening!

Aiden's first Royals onesie!

Sharing Aiden's picture with Maggie

Grandma and Grandpa meet Aiden Bao

Necklace from Dana

Piggy Bank from my dear blog buddy Kris! I've had it for a while, but have been waiting for the big debut. I love it!

Aiden's first Colts outfit from Chrissy. Essential and even Tess approves!

Celebration

The last 3 days have been full of celebration! Soon after I saw Aiden's face for the first time, my friend and co-teacher Mark gave Aiden his first "Royals" onesie. Later that evening, my friend Dana and her daughter Stephanie came to the house to give me a beautiful necklace with Aiden's birthstone in it!

On Thursday morning, Aiden received his first Colt's outfit. This is an essential part of his wardrobe! I found out later that it was actually his second- my mom had already bought him a Colt's sweatshirt to wear when he is a bit older. On Thursday I spent hours sharing his pictures with everyone at school. They have been waiting a long time to see his face! That night Dana, Stephanie and I went to Red Robin for a celebratory dinner.

Yesterday, I gave my parents their firsts grandparent's day presents- t-shirts with Ba and Ong on them. We then went to my favorite Vietnamese restaurant. I actually love all 3 VN restaurants I have been to in the area, but I love Ha and Sang, the sister and brother who own the restaurant. Every time I go there, Ha asks when I am going to Vietnam. I was finally able to tell her, yes, I am definitely going! Ha was SO excited to see Aiden. She ran back to the kitchen with the pictures to show Sang. She told me how to prounce his name correctly and how to say maternal grandma and grandpa (I had the Ba and Ong down, just wasn't sure about the maternal part). It was extremely busy at the restaurant, but Ha told us lots about traveling to Vietnam. She is worried we won't get to see enough if we are only there for 2 weeks! I told her we would come back before we went (probably more than once). She said she will translate anything if I need her to and will teach us "things to say in Vietnamese" before we travel. I can't wait to bring Aiden there to meet them!

So yeah, it really happened

The past 3 days have been absolutely surreal. It is starting to sink in. The beautiful baby boy in the pictures is MY SON. I have a picture of Aiden on my desk at school. I will catch a glimpse of him and have to do a double take. Wow- I am a mom!

Wednesday was a crazy day and I really wasn't expecting the call. I got an email from another PAP friend who was waiting that said it should be a very good day. I got excited, but didn't want to get my hopes up, so I went about my day. I had just gotten back from the juvenile detention center, where I had to meet with one of my students (ah, the life of a special education teacher). I got in my room, put my purse down, and my phone immediately started ringing. It was 1:43. I just KNEW it was The Call. I frantically gave my camera to my assistant. Hands shaking, I answered the phone. Thank God I sat down before I answered. I was shaking all over and could barely hold the phone. I was trying to write down what Margie was saying but didn't have much luck. I heard his name and birthdate. My friend and co-worker Chrissy came and stood behind me as I tried to get logged into my email account. Margie told me to enjoy the moment and to call her later. As soon as my email popped up onto the screen, the two emails appeared. Of course I didn't read the first email (I finally did 2 hours later) but immediately clicked on the first picture. I started sobbing as soon as I saw Aiden's face.

Later in the evening I realized that I was crying in front of the same exact class that I cried in front of last Thursday when I got word this might not happen. Not that I care, but I hope it helped them see I am a real person with real emotions. That, or they are thinking Ms. K is C-R-A-Z-Y! If anything, I am hoping to get a couple of weeks of good behavior out of this!

Back to The Moment.

The next 20 minutes are a blur. I opened each of the 6 pictures. As I was looking and sobbing, I remember my friends Jan, Maggie, Julie and Sharon coming into the room to admire little Aiden's face. I asked Mark (my wonderful assistant) to go get Dana, my friend and walking buddy who has been through all of the highs and lows of this journey with me. I heard her running down the hall and started crying even harder. I just kept opening and reopening pictures. It was amazing and surreal. I am not sure when I stopped shaking and crying but around 2:00 I called my mom and dad. I couldn't say a word- I started sobbing again. My mom asked if I was happy or sad. I was able to choke out "happy". I told her I was on my way over. I called one of the principals and asked him if I could leave early so my dad could meet his grandson before he went to work. Of course he said yes. Actually, I think he said I could leave whenever I needed to (hmmm....I will remember that!).

I literally ran out of the building and made it to my parents house with less than 10 minutes to share. I was able to capture the moment my parents saw the first picture of Aiden on camera. I heard a collective "awww" from the proud grandparents. We looked through the medicals (doctor dad gave Aiden an A+) and looked through the pictures again.

Then the phone call and email marathon began. I am pretty sure I used a month worth of my cell phone minutes in the last 3 days! My mom and I ordered prints of all of the pictures and then I headed back home. I stopped back by school and showed a few people (it was almost 5 by this point) Aiden's pictures.

I think I sat for hours and just stared at his face. Memorized every little part of him. I finally remembered to eat dinner around 8. I sat and stared at the pictures some more while I ate. I finally made it to bed around 11:30 and dreamed of my son.

I have heard from some PAPs and APs that your baby is not your child until the Giving and Receiving ceremony. Technically, I know this is true. But I am in love with my son. It was an instant love that has continued to grow even stronger by the day. I don't think I have ever experienced such a strong, overwhelming feeling. It brings tears to my eyes every time I look at his picture. What an amazing feeling and an amazing day. I will remember it forever.

Life Began When I Saw His Face

Yesterday was the best day of my life. At 1:43 PM I got "the call". Exactly one year, one month and two weeks after I started this journey, all of the pain and anxiety disappeared. I am in love with my sweet Aiden Bao. He is perfect! Right now this all feels surreal. I hope I can put more thoughts together soon. Right now I am just ready to kiss these precious lips. Sweet dreams, little man, Mommy is coming...

Official Blogging Break

What did you say?

A blogging break?

I can't believe what I am hearing!!!

I guess I'll have to look cute and wait patiently.....

I will be back!

The Final List

The powers that be (the same ones checking my other blog-up to 8 hits now) sent out their final lists to agencies today (it is September 1st after all). I am on it! Even though I don't have the ever important picture and information, it is as official as it's going to get! I am so thankful and feel blessed, especially reading all of the very difficult posts today about the expiration of the MOU. Such a heartbreaking time for so many.