Standing Tall

Aiden had his 15 month checkup last week. The little man grew 2 1/2 inches in the past 2 months. That puts him up to the 40th percentile for height. Aiden broke 30 inches! Standing tall he is! The weight didn't go as well. Aiden did gain 8 ounces but he is still basically sitting at 20 pounds for weight. This dropped him into the 7th percentile for weight. His noggin also grew and he has remained in the 76th percentile for head circumference. He is still a peanut- finally fitting in some 12 months clothes.

We've had an eventful week and a fun weekend. We spent the weekend with some very special friends. Speaking of special, this is a very special week. Lots to post!

And? I am still standing tall here on my blog. In my opinion (which is what a blog is all about, isn't it?), some of the comments got downright mean. I closed the comments. I should probably enable comment moderation for a while. I don't regret putting up the 2 posts. And I do have to say that there were some great comments from APs and from adult adoptees. Many of the comments I respected and stopped and thought about them for a while. Unfortunately, they got lost in the shuffle. It was one big argument and nothing productive was going to come of it. As one AP and friend said to me in an email today, "this is just like watching democrats and republicans spar with each other. No side is ever going to convince the other side that they are wrong! This is a battle that can't be won because there isn't open dialogue." Another AP who is also an adult adoptee told me, that "every one's experience with adoption is different and there is no RIGHT or WRONG way to deal with it -- as long as you do." Well said, my friend. I think I will end with that. And so I go on from here....

A few more thoughts...

It's obvious everyone has different opinions and points of view. Unfortunately, I don't think the discussion that took place in the comments on the last post were helping anyone understand each other's points of view. I was stating my opinion in the last post, just some of you feel Common Sense did in a totally random comment on my blog. As far as I can tell, it had nothing to do with the post. But I also stated facts- facts about what I wanted to do as I raised Aiden, a privilege I have been given by the government of Vietnam. A privilege I will never take for granted.

And yes, there was some criticism in my post. Did you ever think that hurtful comments can affect APs just like my comments obviously hurt some adult adoptees? It hurts because so many of us want the world for our children. Our children who came to us with lots of different circumstances, but who came to us through adoption. I would never consider going on one of the adult adoptee blogs I read and making mean, hurtful comments, even if I didn't agree with the post or the blog. Common Sense's comment was essentially a random attack from someone trolling AP blogs. And are all APs to blame for the pain some adoptees have suffered? I don't think so. And I also don't think adult adoptee's who share Common Sense's opinion are in the majority.

I appreciate that on adult adoptee linked her blog. Which I did read. And when I read about the abuse you endured, it led me to investigate the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change board. Because? All of the referring URLs were from a private thread. And when I looked around the forum, I found out that not everyone is angry and bitter. Actually, there were some great posts there so I apologize for assuming all on this board were reading this private thread. I learned this thread is most likely in a private forum for adoptees who have been abused. That was one of 2 private forums. The other one was for teen adoptees and someone already pointed out that she is not a teen.

Again, this is just my opinion, but emotional, physical and sexual abuse puts a totally different spin on the journey of an adoptee. How could it not? I am not going to pretend to understand even an inkling of your pain. But maybe, just maybe, you could consider that not all children adopted will have to endure the pain you have suffered. Yes, there is loss- there will always be loss. I understand that. I also understand that everyone deals with this loss differently. Many it doesn't affect at all. But some it does. And I think it's safe to say, that many, many APs want to help their children deal with that loss if it becomes an issue.

And with that said, I think it is obvious from the last few comments I read that there are APs besides me who would love advice and suggestions from adult adoptees. And Caty, we don't expect you to relive your painful life experience. I think what I am looking for is something mentioned in one of the last comments. Can we "make this whole discussion productive by asking the adult adoptees if they have advice for us as to how to proceed with our young adoptive children"?

Common Sense?

Or not. Depends on how you look at it, I suppose. That was the name of the anonymous commentor who left this comment on my blog last night:

How sad.You named him "Aiden"? Sigh.Enjoy him now. He will not be your forever.

Adoptees are people with families that adoptes like you work (and pay) to erraticate. It won't last.

Read some adult adoptee blogs from IA. He'll be back in Vietnam in 15 years trying to recapture what you stole.

I deleted the comment...and regretted it as soon as I did. Thank goodness that I copied and saved it before I deleted it. Not that I think Common Sense has any...well...common sense. I don't think I need to justify my decision to adopt, my parenting skills or my love for Aiden to anyone. I am not going to point out your grammatical errors, your spelling erros or your poor attention to detail (did you miss the adult adoptee blogs listed in the blogroll?).

But I do want to say a few things. If you read this blog you would know that I love Aiden Bao (oh, you would also know that he is rarely called just "Aiden") and embrace the Vietnamese culture. But I also know I cannot be the only one to teach him about a culture I have never lived in. I have reached out to find ways to help our family experience and embrace the Vietnamese culture. And I have read lots of books and articles and studies. Here is a link to one that I felt was well researched that someone brought to my attention this summer.

If you visited this blog on a regular basis you would also know that I want to move to Vietnam for a year or two to teach. And? As an adult (yes, an adult adoptee), if MY SON wants to move back to Vietnam? I will help him in whatever way I can to do just that. But you don't read my blog and I really don't know if you care. Because if you cared, you would have already read that I care. You would have read how I grieve my son's loss of his first family on a daily basis. And if I am able, I plan to do everything I can to find his first mom and first family well before he reaches adulthood. It's something I think about almost daily. You know what? It's also something I talk to Aiden about daily. Every night at dinner we talk about his adoption story. He KNOWS he has a first family that loves him. He also knows he has a forever mom that loves him very much.

And of course I want my fellow APs to weigh in. So many of you have been such a great support already, but I thought you might want to let Common Sense know your thoughts here too.

And? At the same time? I want to hear from all of you adult adoptees who are members of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. Seems my blog must be listed in one of your private threads. What change are you advocating for? How can I, as an AP, help? I want the world for my son. I value the opinions of adult adoptees. See, the fact is, my son is adopted. I celebrate that fact with him. How can I help him be proud of himself and his culture?

Oh, and one more thing Common Sense- I do need to point out one thing you are most definitely wrong about. Even his Aiden Bao Quoc finds his first family, even if he moves back to Vietnam when he is 18 or 80, he will be my son -whom I will always love more then I can ever put into words- forever.

All Boy, Take Three

We were at our favorite park (my favorite one that is close to home and great for picture taking). I was snapping pictures, oblivious to what was behind me. Something caught Aiden's attention. He was staring in wonder and waving like crazy. This is the exact order these pictures were taken. I am SO in trouble.

Lovin' this stick and my soccer ball. Does life get any better?
Hmmm, what do we have here?Hello there!
Oooh, I like what I see!

OMGoodness- I couldn't believe it. Aiden is ALL BOY!

A Rite of Passage and A Tradition in the Making

Aiden attended his first Royals' football game tonight. After 10 years, I attended the first home game with my son. I always watched and dreamed as other staff sat in the special section on the field with their kiddos. And of course I got tears in my eyes as I watched Aiden run around with all of the other kids. I think I cried at the first game last year too- not knowing if I would ever bring my "Royal in the making" to a game. But we made it. And Aiden got quite the reception.

He had a blast. Running around. Laughing as mommy ran after him to stop him from going on the field. Laughing as mommy ran after him to prevent him from running into the middle of the band. Laughing as mommy ran after him in his quest to meet the cheerleaders. He would stop for a bit if the band was playing so he could get his groove on. I didn't get to watch much football, but watching my son as he danced, ran around, and cheered on the team (and the band, mostly the band) was even better. He even wore his special onesie my friend Mark gave him the day I got his referral (well, actually I had to exchange the onesie to get a smaller size today- little squirt!). Can't wait to go to the next home game!

All Boy, Part Deux

Late in July, I posted about Aiden being all boy. Oh boy, is he ever. Aiden hasn't met a puddle he doesn't like. Or a creek for that matter. Much more fun for a little boy to get wet fully clothed in the local creek than it is at the pool with a bathing suit on!

Why stand when you can squat?
Soaked from (almost) head to toe!

Fifteen Month Facts

Aiden is quite the character these days. Here are some facts (some cute, some funny, all things I don't want to forget) about my little prince.

Loves to say pop and pa pa. He says pop (and up) in a very high pitched voice. When he says papa, he will only whisper. Always whispers papa.

Aiden has started having conversations on his phone. And he is always yelling when he "talks" into his phone. He says, "Hebwo" or "hi". When he says hi it has the biggest southern accent I have ever heard. He sounds just like his Auntie Dana who has a southern accent. Anyway, he yells "Hebwo" and then listens and will follow with a few "uh huhs" and then hang up. SO cute! Video coming soon.

Whenever he hears a dog bark Aiden puts hi finger up to his mouth to "shush" the dog

He calls his friends Stephanie and Shelby "Bop". Now, I'm not sure if they are calling them Bop or if he is trying to tell them something. He will yell "bop" over and over whenever he sees them.

Aiden jabbers a lot. He definitely knows what he's saying. Someday I think I will too. His vocabulary (of words I can understand) expands on a daily basis. It's so fun to watch and hear!

When I say "I'm gonna get you" he laughs and squeals. We play hide and go seek. All I have say is "I'm gonna get you" and he gives himself away every time. So funny!

He runs...like the wind. And it is so funny to watch. The boy is always on the move.

He is trying very hard to walk up and down steps. He wants to practice all of the time.

Aiden loves to dance and has recently added some funky upper body moves to his bounce. He LOVES music.

And then there are not not so funny facts- still no molars, which I think are still causing some heartache at bedtime and at night. Not nearly as bad as it was but we still have rough nights.

I am sure I am missing lots of things and will probably add to this post as I remember them. I am sad that Aiden is growing so fast. But each month brings new excitement and fun to our lives. Can't wait to see what the next 4 weeks have in store for us!

Fifteen Faces of Aiden...at Fifteen Months

Happy 15 months Aiden Bao!!! I love each and every face more than I'll ever be able to put into words!

What did I do?

What did I do to receive such an amazing gift?What did I do to have this special little boy as part of my life? Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve the opportunity to experience a love I never knew existed about one year ago.
How did I get so lucky?

In just a few days, it will be one year since I heard I had a definite match with a baby who I hoped and prayed would be my son. Please know not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings and give thanks that things turned out the way they did. God's timing was perfect. It was very much meant to be.