Today we finished our Biggest Loser competition at school. I was not the biggest loser...but I did come in second. I was shocked- it was tough competition. There were 5 of us in pretty close running the entire 12 weeks. I ended up losing 23 pounds during the competition (I think it went about 13 1/2 weeks with snow days and such). My grand total since December is 27 pounds. I am not done; have about 14 more pounds to get to my goal weight. But I have never been this close to my goal weight. I may finally become an actual lifetime member of weight watchers!
I am proud of how far I have come. However, it has been kind of hard to see the results. I think years of low self esteem and issues with weight just make it hard to see who's actually staring back at me in the mirror. I know I couldn't wear my official weigh in pants today because they simply wouldn't stay up. I know my clothes are big. I can now see my collar bone and actually found my rib cage! and I have been working out hard. I just wouldn't let myself see who I had become. It's hard to explain....But tonight I had my dad take a picture of Aiden and me- an "after" picture if you will. And I am starting to see that this is the old me:
Tonight, for the first time, I can say with confidence (for possibly the first time in many, many years), that I will never go back to the old me. My relationship with food has changed. It is no longer my best friend (or my worst enemy). I won't go back to eating when I'm stressed, bored or depressed. That's no longer who I want to be. It's no longer who I am. I had a bit of an emotional break down (or break through?) tonight realizing that I have said good bye to the old me...for good.